Hard work is paying off.

   It's freeeeezing outside. Living with the headache for two days in a row only because my room is like fridge is no fun at all. But, on the other hand, I wanted winter, so here you go girl.... haha. Once again, in Turin you have to wish for things very carefuly. 

   The mountain of the books is so high I don't even see it's top, but I am trying to stay optimistic, I know I can do it. But in any case we will see how it goes. But I know that hard work pays off, even it is hard sometimes to believe in yourself.

   But in winter time the most important thing is to feel loved, and I do. I hope you too. And time passes faster than I would like to, but oh what the hell, I'm going home in 10 days! Packing gifts and listening to Christmas songs is MY THING now. Even if later on I feel guilt because I don't study in that time. But... It's Christmas. So I wish that everyone will find a force to forgive everyone and live in peace, it is much more easy like that. Trust me :)

Have a good preparation for Christmas!! Ho Ho Ho

Home is whenever I'm with You.

Ti amo.

Monday blues.

  There were a couple of hard days for me. Let's call it detox days. But in general, that made me think that I am not the person I used to be. Made me think of how much I did change, of how everything around me make influence for every choice I make. And that make me think of where do I want to grow up. Who I want to be. And at this point I feel that I have some kind of bipolar disturb... There are two things in life I love the most. Well more. but I am talking about work spaces. And these two things are so different that I just have no idea how to combine them. And then there are other problems which I MUST solve in the next year. And that makes me cray cray. But as Nike says - Nothing is impossible. So I will try to figure it out. 

And today I am wearing my sport suit, because a little bit later I am going to a Gym! (You have no idea how proud I am that finaly I started it again. Yay me!).

Days like this.

   Lately I've been loving to wake up early, go to the gym, have breakfast, drink coffee and start my day like this. This week was with much less stress, confusion and negative thoughts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SWJSL8uhr8

  In days like this I fall in love with the city again... But in this light all the corners look so magical. And if you ask me what is my favourite season is, I just couldn't tell. I think my favourite thing about the weather IS seasons. I just love how you can follow the change of the nature. How the leafes turn brown, when the first snow falls and makes Christmas magical, when all the flowers start their lifes from the beggining and how summer makes your face prettier, hair lighter... For this reason I think I live in the perfect place. Not too cold, not too hot. But I think I am coming to a conclusion. Or better - my past is telling me something about my future.

                                                 

The most important thing is to have a plan.

And people who love you.

And food.

When you are there.

   It scares me how fast the time flies (again, wow, what a story). It seems I came here like 3 months ago, and it's 7 already.... How that does make me feel? -Happy. I have grown so much, I have met a lot of people who are now my friends here, I had to go through so much, I think half of my head is covered in grey hair, because I ate stress for breakfast. After vacation in Lithuania everything is different, as it always is when you come back from home. I am still stressing around like crazy, with one million thoughts in my head and nightmares at night, thinking of what/how/why I do some stuff. And I am pretty sure I have all the answers. But past few days were all about "I don't think I am doing enough to succeed". Maybe because I was failing so much. I don't really know. Or maybe because I put other people in front of me before doing something. I don't know, those social norms that my parents gave me... They make me always think before doing something, make me think about how another person will feel about it. And then, automatically I start to wish for it from other people. Like a good feedback at least. But the truth is, that world is cruel. And nothing really happens as planned. Yes, I know, this is the beauty of life, but when you have some big plans and other people just make you fall to the sh*/& with your face every time you succeed, well, that makes me mad. For now, I just want to concentrate on my inner self and maybe love myself more. And I know that I am still at the same place like I was before, but I want to believe I will succeed somehow someday, even if I will have to climb to Everest all by myself. Or maybe I will receive some support ant that Everest will be just as high as the highest hill of Lithuania. And when I will be there, in that place, succeeded, happy and not alone, I will be able to say, that I live my life not without a point. Life is not pointless, life is hard and wonderful, life is beautiful and fun. I just need to learn to enjoy it as I did before.

***

It's been a long time.

    Wow. Time flies. Hard to believe the summer is over. And don't tell me there is still a week when the weather is like this. Oh Torino, you are so disappointing if we are talking about the weather. But your sunsets are so cute when you have a cup of tea in your hands.

    I never would have thought that THIS can be THAT serious. Like seriously. At the beggining my confusion level was up to the sky, you know what I mean, and now... And now I am waiting for Love of my life now, to come back to me. Torino is ugly without you. I have so many things in mind that we will do...  Even it seems that none of us will have time for many things, but I thing it is better like this. Now two things are important - Exams and Job. And I feel with my guts that everything will be great. 

    I still can't believe what difference can a pill make. I don't even remember when was the last time I felt so good. I have energy, I have a will to do something, I don't want to sleep immidiately after breakfast, it is easier to study, my mood is better, it is easier to cope with stress... I can't believe it. I am so happy. And I asure... Everything is going to be great starting from september. New years are coming early this year.

    It is so funny to read old letters and understand that you haven't understood ANYTHING what is written there two years ago. It all make sence now. This is good, like this you can see a progress. And I see mine growing pretty fast haha Where is that self-confidence came from (I'm telling you, those pills....) But stay calm, I am not using drugs! haha 

    My room is starting to look like MY room finaly. And so many new things are coming, this is so cool. 

    Everything that I will earn at work I will use to make other people happy. Because I love them that much.

Torino.

    I thought it will be the city of dreams. Well, it kind of is. But, unfortunately dreams doesn't come true this easily as children can imagine. It's not enough to make a wish when you see a falling star. It's not enough to believe. In others. Besides the believe, you also have to do something. And past few weeks I pretty much was waiting for things to come to me. Well. They didn't. It is crazy how much ideas I have. But as much crazy is that I do absolutely nothing to make them come true. I'm awesome, I know. 

    Past few days were really intense, hard, down. Not nice. Maybe it's the rain whi makes me feel like that. Or maybe I am just freezed in this second of stress and problems. I know I should concentrate on the future, making my dreams come true, at the end -  I came here to do that, right? Not so bad, that I still am able to found inspiration. And my inspiration is this city. With it's smell of fresh baked bagels, coffee, sun, crazy people, love, well dressed persons... As a matter of fact, I thought Torino will be more than this. I'm not complaining, oh God no. I am grateful for this opportunity (even if I had to go through hell to be here), but it doesn't feel that great anymore. Or it doesn't feel that great YET. I am more likely to believe in this sentence. I think these 6 months (oh my God how time flies) were just a beggining. Getting into life. Learning the language, making friends. And I have a feeling that September will be THE month of the year. Just like September issue is ;) 

   SO then again, I feel I can change everything, and now I am not alone in this. 

Oh. And I love pineapples ;]

Changes.

   So it was my birthday some days ago. So very strange, because I wasn't expecting it to be this nice and... different. I thought being away from home, family and friends will be hard and I will feel sad. At least that was how I was feeling like a week before my birthday. Also, the exam in the morning pf my B-day wasn't helping AT ALL. But don't judge the day without the evening. Everything was great, The Boy was super nice and everything was just amazing. Despite the fact, that another exam is like in 2 days from today, and I am feeling like I am going crazy (I think I am not only feeling, but I am actually going crazy). I was thinking it will be hard, but I wasn't expecting it will be this hard. This effing barrier of the language. This stress just kills me. And the worst part is that I can't actually ask for any pitty from others, because I was the one who chose to study here. Who chose to study in this language. Mah.

   But after my birthday everything has changed. Even maybe before. To wake up at 7am on Saturday morning? Me? Are you kidding me? Well, not anymore. Trying to figure out this ryth of my days, because it is hard for me to concentrate during the day, and in the evening I am starting to think "nooo i wasted another day." Or at least I was thinking it before I changed my point of view. Right now I just dont think about failure, that can happen, and so. At least I tried. I know I will found a work when I am back after my vacation, so I am not worried about that also. 

   I am feeling that my life will get better, even if I have to pass one million exams in one month. I can do it, right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoeKb5P5etk

Che confusione.

   And it starts again. This beautiful time of the year - exams. Even though I see progress in these days with doing some great work, but it always seems not enough. At this point of view, it seems that you can do everything IF you want to. You can feel HOW you want you. Well I wish everything would be that easy. But there are just people who always want to blame you for something, insult you, or make you feel bad. Yes yes, I'm talking about you, at the end I am happy how this all situation turned. 

   All in all my life is great. And maybe it will get even better. Just stress sometimes doesn't let you to enjoy every second of it. Too bad. Life in cosmos makes you happy haha Confusion and lack of attention, that happens when you don't sleep a lot. A war with neighbors about a post box. Awesome. Lost post. I hope since two days ago it won't happen again, because it's not cool!

   Confusion with the languages, I am starting to forget even english! Not cool again. But it my head turns some ideas that might come true very soon. Even if I always say sharing is caring, these ideas I'll keep to myself. Because you never know.

   In any case-buon appetito!

Controversial.

  Life. It is strange who you study Psychology and then have so many difficulties in your personal life. Like it seems you know how to solve the problem, how to act, what to say, how to say it. But the problem is, that at the end you are just a human as everybody else. And to solve other people problems seems much easier than yourselves. Making a break? Seems fair. At the end break ends after 24 hours because it seems too hard to be apart. But then again is it a good choice? I swear sometimes I just feel much more better just by myself, no stress, just me and my crazy thoughts. I don't know it's just so confusing. Take all the time you need to figure yourself out, but if you take it too long, the consequences might be not so pleasent.

   Anyhow, your actions are very controversial and make confusion. You don't realize it yourself I think. So like I don't know what to do. But allright, I have my life to live, 4 coming exams, birthday, christioning, festival upcoming to my life and I have to prepare for it. (especially that tiny exams part.fdoihsvbkjvf). 

   Trying to drink more water and eat more fruits makes me crazy, I need sugar. And fat. 

26/30.

    Rain bring me writing mood. Some alternative rock is playing in the background of my day. Today is a good day. Even though I could count all my muscules after this morning's work out. I think I did too much. Tomorrow I hope I won't cry.

    The life is pretty strange these days. I mean yes, exams are here, I have to study as hell, but it is so strange. In Lithuania, when exams arrive, everyone starts to party haha And yes, in Lithuania I have a lot of my friends which I can at least take a coffee, talk a little bit, just to make our heads clear after studying all day/all night. But here everyone seems like do nothing BUT studying. I mean, they are studying in their mother tongue language, and they are so stressed? Day after day I am starting to think what the hell am I doing here. Or maybe I am just that kind of person who can stay in one place for too long. Or I just can't choose a place to stay for my life. Well, goodluck to me to create a family! It's like I want to do so many things in the future, and I feel like I am living my dream, right now, right here. And all my plans sounds amazing, and actually they are coming true. Or maybe is just Torino with it's magic that helps. But sorry Torino, you are not a city where I would like to live. I feel like I am putting my life piece to piece and creating something beautiful. But then again, I feel like I am walking this way all by myself, which is kind of sad. But maybe this is my destiny, to be all by myself and live my dream alone? 

     I love to descover something new every day, yesterday I descovered Josh Record, I just fell inlove with his music, I have no words to describe how good his music is. I just....Love it.

I haven't done my inspiration blogs for a long time, because I don't feel motivated at all these days. But starting form yesterday I finally started to do things to change this situation. Go away lazyness! But I would like an evening which calls "A little party never killed nobody". Maybe soon. I hope.

And at the end of the day you live life and I live movies. There's no such thing as Love.

Where was I?

   Sunday blues got me here. Sekmadienis buvo tikras sekmadienis, su nostalgija, liūdesiu ir nuovargiu. Kai veiklos nėra - nieko daryti ir nesinori, kai laiko vis mažėja - poreikis naujoms veikloms didėja. Šiuo metu esu kažkur in between. Pradėjau galvoti ko noriu, kaip noriu ir ką su tuo galiu padaryti. Tikslai lyg ir aiškūs. Motyvacijos, žinoma, stinga (nothing new to say here), nors kartais atrodo užsimotyvuoji taip, kad net raumenis skauda. Bet šią savaitę nusprendžiau - to plano "nuo pirmadienio pradedu/metu/imuosi/t.t." realizavimu. Viskas ko reikia mano gyvenime šiuo metu - yra gera rutina. Nes jos kaip niekada stinga. Eiti miegoti 4tą valandą ryto, nes pokalbiai rimtomis temomis kažkodėl plėtojasi geriausiai būtent po vidurnakčio. "Vuoi dormire? -No. -Quindi parliamo". Ir taip labai dažnai. Jau atrodo visko čia pas mane su kaupu. 

    Yra trys dalykai, kuriuos man yra žiauriai sunku išspręsti. Ir nežinau ką daryti. Jaučiuosi truputį įspausta į kampą. Bet tikiu, kad visa tai išspręsiu anksčiau ar vėliau. Geriau aišku būtų anksčiau. 

    Vasara pakolkas atrodo labai smagi. Nepaisant dviejų mėnesių sesijos. Goodluck with that girl. Kartais tikrai LABAI nekenčiu italų kalbos. Kodėl aš čia norėjau atvažiuoti. Kodėl aš čia važiavau? Boooh. Tas kelias vėl atrodo labai jau išsišakojęs. Ir nežinau kiek aš noriu būti gelbėtoja, bet turbūt noriu, jei esu šioje padėtyje, kurioje esu. 

   Pamiegojus viskas vistiek atrodys kitaip.

Savaitės įkvėpimai.

   Įtempta savaitėlė buvo. Pavargau... Bet it is how it is. Mano šios savaitės gyvenimėlis nuotraukose atrodo maždaug taip: 

Fell in love with ice-cream again.

Food.

Finding new places.

Parties and best friend.

The Boy again.

Savaitės įkvėpimai.

    Nauja savaitė - nauji įkvėpimai. 

Paskutiniu metu laikas lekia kažkaip nenumaldomai greitai ir sunku susigaudyti kas iš tiesų vyksta. Paskutinės penkios dienos buvo kažkas nerealaus, kažkas kitokio mano itališkame gyvenimėlyje... Daug minčių, daug vidinių pokyčių, daug juoko ir prisiminimų.... Tačiau viskam pasibaigus užpuola kažkokia nostalgija.... Sumaištis. O gal tik egzistencinis nerimas. Juk iš tiesų taip niekas ir nežino. 

Jūra... Visada yra vieta, kurioje įkvėpimo ieškoti nereikia.

Skirtingų kavos rūšių ragavimas su draugais.

Ledai ir Geriausia draugė.

Kelionės su draugais ir serpantinas....

Maistas buvo šios savaites pagrindinis akcentas.

Savaitės įkvėpimai.

Viena iš įsimintiniausių Milanodizaino savaitės instaliacijų.

   Stumiant laiką, kad nereikėtų mokytis, atradau labai fainą dalyką kituose bloguose - savaitinius įrašus su nuotraukomis, apie 5 pačius įsimintiniausius savaitės įvykius. Man šita idėja labai patiko, todėl ir pati nusprendžiau kiekvieną sekmadienį įkelti po penkis dalykus, kurie tą savaitė man kėlė įkvėpimą - šypseną - ar šiaip norėčiau tai prisiminti.

Brunch with Dad.

Buvo siuntinių ir laiškų savaitė :)

Pagaliau atradau motyvacijos mokytis.

The boy.

Kas būna, kai būna.

   Nežinau. Kai būna daug galimybių, sunku išsirinkti. Kai išsirenki pradedi galvoti, ar gerai pasirinkai... Visa savaitė kažkokios dėlionės kurpimas į vieną vietą buvo. Nors atrodo, aš gal tik dabar iš tiesų normaliai ir atsigavau. Iki šiol visko nežinau, bet gal ir geriau.

  Kodėl blogi dalykai visada traukia labiau nei geri? Arba kodėl geri dalykai galiausiai pasirodo, kad nėra tokie geri? Visas gyvenimas ir sukasi kaip kažkokia sugedus karuselė. Norisi kartais ją sustabdyti, pakeisti joje besisupančius žmones, o tada vėl iš naujo... Esančią tuštumą ir vėl pildau kažkokiais keistais dalykais. Bet iš kur ta tuštuma atsirado? Į kalniuką nuo kalniuko.

  Ir kaip keista, kad pokalbiai su nepažįstamais žmonėmis gali duoti tiek daug. Kaip paprasčiausi žodžiai gali leisti pasijusti super special. Rytiniai pokalbiai irgi labai super. Garuojant ką tik išvirtai kavai ir šviežiai paruoštoms salotoms. Ir sportas yra super. Išbėgti savo rajone pusvalandukui, nes daugiau bėgti nesinori, nes baisu, kad koks kebabas nenučiuptų. Bet tai tampa atgaiva sielai. Kelionės irgi. Ir vakarėliai. Ir pasimatymai.

  Keista kaip nuotaika gali keistis nuo oro. Atsibundi lietingą dieną ir nors ir jautiesi laiminga, kažkas atrodo ne taip, nesinori eiti į lauką. Nesinori lipti iš lovos. Ypač kai ta lova namuose, kur išlipus iš jos nebus bendros erdvės pachillinti kartu. Bet kai šviečia saulė... Kai šviečia saulė net ir anksti atsikelti yra žiauriai malonu. Nors dabar ir turiu šiek tiek problemų ties susikaupimu... Bet matyt ne tik saule čia kalta... Visi planai, norai. Realiai mėgaujuosi tiesiog tuo "čia ir dabar". Beprotiškai jau jis malonus.

  Priversti žmogų ir vėl šypsotis po ilgo laiko tarpo. Hm, kelia šypseną. Išvis, žodžiai turi tokią galią kad net baisu. O gal šitas magiškas miestas turi tą galią. Tik paprašyk - prašau, turi. Kai pagalvoji gyvenime turi viską ko nori. Visa kita ne taip ir svarbu tampa. Būna žmonių kurie trikdo, būna žmonių kurie tikisi iš tavęs kažko kito, bet at the end... Pats renkiesi kaip gyventi. 

  Labai nemėgstu žmonių kurie sako kad žino daugiau už kitus. Good for you, gyvenk savo gyvenimą. Aš geriau žinosiu mažiau, bet gyvensiu savo. 

  Noras paskrudinti skūrą yra kažkoks nenormalus. Atrodo liko vos 11 dienų, bet per jas gali atsitikti tiek daug. Ti penso :) Sei bella da morire. Ak tie makaronai :) 

O sportas gydo. Cha.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOlCUtxQW0Y

Che confusione...

   Sara' perche ti amo.
   I am so lost I don't even remember when I was lost this much before. Trying to figure out my life. Try to make good decisions... But it seems that pas 38 hours were full of crazyness and reaaaally bad ones. Of course, at the end it all ended good. Well, maybe not for all. But still. I don't know, should I feel special because many people loose their memory when they are with me, or should I feel really bad.
I asked for one, I got two and un po piu... Life is like a complete mess at the moment. And I have to concentrate my thoughts on other things, because otherwise I will be screwed, and this is not what I want at all.

Arrivederci.

Rain of Confetti.

I feel inspired for like 5 minutes and then it's gone.

Cherry Blossom.

   Spring should bring new beggining, isn't it? As much as I want to believe in this - it's very hard. All I see everyday is fake faces and fake emotions. You are always scared to leave the table first, because you know - they will talk about you. Even though, you know they already do. There some voices in the house that makes me nervous. But the world is all about the voices. So can you here me even when you don't see me?

   To feel something is the greatest gift of all. To feel happy, to feel loved, to feel important, to feel in the right place on the right time... Sometimes by wrong people or wrong situations. But this makes us who we are, right? Or left? :) And all the time you have to choose. How to communicate, what to say and what not to, to hide or to show off. A little bit of everything. 

Ma in concluso sono felice'. Penso DI si' :)

 

Stop.

   Sometimes I just want to stop/skip/delete a scene from life. Too bad it is impossible. To bad I can not do anything right now to make them feel better and because of that I am feeling that too. Never felt so desperate and powerless...

   What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, huh?

Piano Piano.

 

  Press play don't press pause. Life is beautiful! Since I moved my living place, and now my lovely home is Italy, I decided to start to write in English, since it is a language which is understandable for everyone (well maybe not italians...no offence haha).

  So my life is great! Despite that stress which has been following me the whole week. But all stuff seems to be solvable, so tonight I am going to RELAX. Finally some party is coming to my life. Finally I will talk in another language than italian! I am so happy you guys can't even imagine. 

  The sun is shining here like it's summer in Lithuania. Soon I will go to get some tan! Because right now I feel like I am a white pigeon in the sea of dark ones. No fun. 

   The atmosphere at home is getting better every day, I think we are finally starting to like each other! How fun is that??? I think we finally will get a long. The most important thing, when you live with boys is to tell straight what you like and what you don't like. Because by showing them without saying is not going to work... 

   Even though, my head is currently a terrible place to be, I feel that everything is going to change very soon. As my beloved said to me today "Nothing will surprise me anymore. I am happy that everyday you receive more and more challenges and that you are able to solve them. Proud of you girl!"

  And I found love for sports again, can't describe how good it feels to do it! Every day. Can't believe I am actually started to do them when I said I will. My will sense is getting stronger as I see hehe.

  This city for me will always be a city which talkes for himself. With the smell of strong coffee and freshly baked buns. With parties and songs. WIth people and places. And since three weeks - with efing hard studies and italian language all along. 

   But well. Life is beautiful, isn't it?   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MxNGzTKQQo&list=WLO70mkf0pY-ZvtcGNB9Kp5fGPecbtlMsi

Sunday is just a day in a week.

  Allways keep your heart locked up < Says HAIM. I wonder if they are right.
 

  Pasiklydau savyje šią savaitę. Pasiklydau tarp nuolatinio šviežių bandelių kvapo, kavos aromatų, nuolatinio triukšmo atidarius langą, tarp kalnų tolumoj. Pasiklydau savo minčių labirinte. Įsivėliau į neaiškius reikalus, į voratinklį. Pasiklydau mieste kur populiariausia šuns veislė yra taksas, o mėgstamiausias žodis "bella". Visai smagu būti pasiklydusiai. Čia ir dabar akimirkoje. Visai smagu.

Big city life.

   Keista. Vėl eiti tomis pačiomis gatvėmis, jausti tą patį orą, girdėti tuos pačius garsus. Rožinės sienos tarsi izoliuoja nuo aplinkos, atrodo vis dar esu ten pat, jaučiu tą patį.. bet ne. Žengiant pro laiptinės duris iš karto pasitinka akiai ir ausiai malonus chaosas... Tada suprantu, tos rožinės sienos bus vieta, kurioje galėsiu pasislėpti... 

   Ir nors šiandien jaučiuosi vienišiausias žmogus žemėje gavęs su labai didele žuvim per veidą - gyvenimas tikrai labai nuostabus. "Never let a bad day make you think you have a bad life". Tikrai taip nėra. 

   Mažos gatvelės, kuriomis keri kelią skubant į universitetą, kalba pačios už save... Jaučiuosi kaip namuose toli nuo namų. Nors kambarys dar labai šaltas, tikiu, kad šiandien arba ryt atvažiuos mano amunicija ir kambarys taps jaukesnis. Greitu metu atsiras ir koks nors augalėlis. Bus visai smagu.

   O ir šiaip. Šiandien buvo pilna emocijų ir išgyvenimų diena. Net nežinau kaip jaučiuosi. Ir pati save nustebinau. 

   Bet ryt nauja diena, naujos ir emocijos.

Well.

 Tai ką. Išsikraustau. Palieku visišką bardaką namuose, kuris tikriausiai nemenkai primins mano gyvenimą paskutinėmis dienomis čia. Visai liūdna išvažiuoti... Naujos pažintys, naujos veiklos, net perspektyvos. Tiek daug šį kartą čia palieku. Bet, kiek reikėjo nueiti kad atsidurčiau kur esu dabar.

  Bet apie tai kitą kartą. Liko 8valandos iki skrydžio, o lagamino krovimas vis dar procese. 

Pasiilgsiu. Ką...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUUU5LSbYHA - I hope life teached you good.

Say something

   Pirmoji diena, kai tikrai galiu mėgautis jos saulės spinduliais. Bet turiu padėkoti savo karmai, kad to nedarau. Bet rytinis krosiukas ir kardio numuša įtampą beveik perpus. [Say something I'm giving up on you]. Nusprendžiau savo nervus supakuoti į vakuuminius maišus ir išsiųsti į Afriką. Kiek galima iš tikrųjų. Paskaičius pernai metų įrašus ant rankos pirštų galima suskaičiuoti, kiek iš jų yra teigiami. Nes atrodo, kad visą neigiamumą norisi išlieti ne kam kitam, o pasilikti sau. O tas pasilikimas sau gerokai slegia kartais, tai tada imi rašyti, kad bent kažkiek palengvėtų. Bet galiausiai supranti, kad visa tai ką užrašai, juk galiausiai liks kaip vienintelis prisiminimas.... Tai reikia  gal ir kažką linksmo parašyti!

  Kaip pavyzdžiui reabilitaciniai savaitgaliai su private jokes, kaip netikėti kavos gėrimai, nes draugai pasako kad atvažiuoja, kaip blogos nuotaikos kėlimasis valgant sushius su draugėmis, kaip čiuožinėjimas ant ledo, kaip nesėkmės, kurios suartina, kaip nepažįstamų žmonių žvilgsniai einant pro šalį, priverčiantys pasijusti tądien ypatingai, kaip dainos, kurios primena šiltą vasaros dieną, kaip užsisvajojimai atliekant svarbius darbus, kaip noras pasipuošti, kaip geros knygos skaitymas, kaip dokumentinių filmų apie serijinius žudikus žiūrėjimas valgant blynelius su mėlynėmis, kaip šaltukas kandžiojantis skruostus, kaip balinta kava, kaip rytas, kai pabundi ne nuo žadintuvo, o nuo mylimo žmogaus žvilgsnio, kaip pusryčiai į lovą, kaip rytinis krosas, kaip ilgas šiltas dušas, kaip drugeliai pilve, kaip gražios užrašų knygelės, kaip kelionės į Italiją kas mėnesį, kaip stojamieji egzaminai su teigiamu rezultatu, kaip italų kalba, kaip maudynės jūroje, kaip irstymasis valtimi, kaip buriavimas, kaip krepšinis, kaip gyvenimo tvarkymasis, kaip šuns vedžiojimas, kaip kelionės į Paryžių planavimas, kaip žinojimas kad jau tuoj tuoj, kaip statuso pakeitimas, kaip...kaip meilė.

  Viskas gali būti kaip nori pats, bet kartais reikia, kad kažkas palaikytų už rankos.

   "Tu tik su juodais nesusidėk, prašau..." 

I'll be the one if you want me to* 

The horror of January.

   Well, that happened fast. Atrodo vakar dar nežinojau nieko apie savo ateitį, o dabar penki šimtai milijonų planų sudaryta dar ten net nenuvažiavus. Gal ir žavu. Sausis buvo turbūt ilgiausias mėnuo nuo rugsėjo (nepaisant spalio, kuris irgi žudė savo staigmenomis), bet tuo pačiu buvo ir pats kupiniausias visokiausių emocijų/išgyvenimų/būsenų. Viena iš dažniausių - įtampa ;D Stipresnė ar silpnesnė jos išraiška lydėjo praktiškai kasdien. 

   Nors ir žiauriai vėluoju su Naujametiniais pažadais ir tikslais, bet visgi.... Tikrai nežadėsiu gerti daugiau vandens, sveikai maitintis ir pradėti sportuoti. Nes greičiausiai to nebus... Bet noriu pažadėti, kad daugiau mylėsiu, nesvarbu - save, tave, jį ar ją, Noriu pažadėti, kad daugiau stengsiuos ir kad pasiekus rezultatą nebesvarstysiu ar tikrai to noriu, juk galiausiai tokius kryžiaus kelius reikėjo praeiti... Pažadu į viską žiūrėti teigiamiau. Why? Because I can. That's why.

  "Sunkus gyvenimas" - "Ne gyvenimas sunkus, o žmonės durni". Ir imi po truputi pažinti save, galiu pasakyti, kad nesu turėjusi sudėtingesnių santykių nei su pačia savimi. 

  Mėgstu ryte neskubėti, pabusti nuo kavos kvapo ar draugų juoko.... Mėgstu kai apkabina ir pabučiuoja. Bet labiausiai mėgstu pokalbius apie viską ir apie nieką.
  Dar mėgstu kai esi pasipuošęs tik savo šypsena ir komplimentais, tada ir aš graži šalia jaučiuosi :)



At the end.... Life is pretty amazing, huh?  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

A nightmare of six nights.

And he's back.....

?

Is life suppose to be like that?