It scares me how fast the time flies (again, wow, what a story). It seems I came here like 3 months ago, and it's 7 already.... How that does make me feel? -Happy. I have grown so much, I have met a lot of people who are now my friends here, I had to go through so much, I think half of my head is covered in grey hair, because I ate stress for breakfast. After vacation in Lithuania everything is different, as it always is when you come back from home. I am still stressing around like crazy, with one million thoughts in my head and nightmares at night, thinking of what/how/why I do some stuff. And I am pretty sure I have all the answers. But past few days were all about "I don't think I am doing enough to succeed". Maybe because I was failing so much. I don't really know. Or maybe because I put other people in front of me before doing something. I don't know, those social norms that my parents gave me... They make me always think before doing something, make me think about how another person will feel about it. And then, automatically I start to wish for it from other people. Like a good feedback at least. But the truth is, that world is cruel. And nothing really happens as planned. Yes, I know, this is the beauty of life, but when you have some big plans and other people just make you fall to the sh*/& with your face every time you succeed, well, that makes me mad. For now, I just want to concentrate on my inner self and maybe love myself more. And I know that I am still at the same place like I was before, but I want to believe I will succeed somehow someday, even if I will have to climb to Everest all by myself. Or maybe I will receive some support ant that Everest will be just as high as the highest hill of Lithuania. And when I will be there, in that place, succeeded, happy and not alone, I will be able to say, that I live my life not without a point. Life is not pointless, life is hard and wonderful, life is beautiful and fun. I just need to learn to enjoy it as I did before.
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