It's been a long time.

    Wow. Time flies. Hard to believe the summer is over. And don't tell me there is still a week when the weather is like this. Oh Torino, you are so disappointing if we are talking about the weather. But your sunsets are so cute when you have a cup of tea in your hands.

    I never would have thought that THIS can be THAT serious. Like seriously. At the beggining my confusion level was up to the sky, you know what I mean, and now... And now I am waiting for Love of my life now, to come back to me. Torino is ugly without you. I have so many things in mind that we will do...  Even it seems that none of us will have time for many things, but I thing it is better like this. Now two things are important - Exams and Job. And I feel with my guts that everything will be great. 

    I still can't believe what difference can a pill make. I don't even remember when was the last time I felt so good. I have energy, I have a will to do something, I don't want to sleep immidiately after breakfast, it is easier to study, my mood is better, it is easier to cope with stress... I can't believe it. I am so happy. And I asure... Everything is going to be great starting from september. New years are coming early this year.

    It is so funny to read old letters and understand that you haven't understood ANYTHING what is written there two years ago. It all make sence now. This is good, like this you can see a progress. And I see mine growing pretty fast haha Where is that self-confidence came from (I'm telling you, those pills....) But stay calm, I am not using drugs! haha 

    My room is starting to look like MY room finaly. And so many new things are coming, this is so cool. 

    Everything that I will earn at work I will use to make other people happy. Because I love them that much.

Torino.

    I thought it will be the city of dreams. Well, it kind of is. But, unfortunately dreams doesn't come true this easily as children can imagine. It's not enough to make a wish when you see a falling star. It's not enough to believe. In others. Besides the believe, you also have to do something. And past few weeks I pretty much was waiting for things to come to me. Well. They didn't. It is crazy how much ideas I have. But as much crazy is that I do absolutely nothing to make them come true. I'm awesome, I know. 

    Past few days were really intense, hard, down. Not nice. Maybe it's the rain whi makes me feel like that. Or maybe I am just freezed in this second of stress and problems. I know I should concentrate on the future, making my dreams come true, at the end -  I came here to do that, right? Not so bad, that I still am able to found inspiration. And my inspiration is this city. With it's smell of fresh baked bagels, coffee, sun, crazy people, love, well dressed persons... As a matter of fact, I thought Torino will be more than this. I'm not complaining, oh God no. I am grateful for this opportunity (even if I had to go through hell to be here), but it doesn't feel that great anymore. Or it doesn't feel that great YET. I am more likely to believe in this sentence. I think these 6 months (oh my God how time flies) were just a beggining. Getting into life. Learning the language, making friends. And I have a feeling that September will be THE month of the year. Just like September issue is ;) 

   SO then again, I feel I can change everything, and now I am not alone in this. 

Oh. And I love pineapples ;]

Changes.

   So it was my birthday some days ago. So very strange, because I wasn't expecting it to be this nice and... different. I thought being away from home, family and friends will be hard and I will feel sad. At least that was how I was feeling like a week before my birthday. Also, the exam in the morning pf my B-day wasn't helping AT ALL. But don't judge the day without the evening. Everything was great, The Boy was super nice and everything was just amazing. Despite the fact, that another exam is like in 2 days from today, and I am feeling like I am going crazy (I think I am not only feeling, but I am actually going crazy). I was thinking it will be hard, but I wasn't expecting it will be this hard. This effing barrier of the language. This stress just kills me. And the worst part is that I can't actually ask for any pitty from others, because I was the one who chose to study here. Who chose to study in this language. Mah.

   But after my birthday everything has changed. Even maybe before. To wake up at 7am on Saturday morning? Me? Are you kidding me? Well, not anymore. Trying to figure out this ryth of my days, because it is hard for me to concentrate during the day, and in the evening I am starting to think "nooo i wasted another day." Or at least I was thinking it before I changed my point of view. Right now I just dont think about failure, that can happen, and so. At least I tried. I know I will found a work when I am back after my vacation, so I am not worried about that also. 

   I am feeling that my life will get better, even if I have to pass one million exams in one month. I can do it, right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoeKb5P5etk

Che confusione.

   And it starts again. This beautiful time of the year - exams. Even though I see progress in these days with doing some great work, but it always seems not enough. At this point of view, it seems that you can do everything IF you want to. You can feel HOW you want you. Well I wish everything would be that easy. But there are just people who always want to blame you for something, insult you, or make you feel bad. Yes yes, I'm talking about you, at the end I am happy how this all situation turned. 

   All in all my life is great. And maybe it will get even better. Just stress sometimes doesn't let you to enjoy every second of it. Too bad. Life in cosmos makes you happy haha Confusion and lack of attention, that happens when you don't sleep a lot. A war with neighbors about a post box. Awesome. Lost post. I hope since two days ago it won't happen again, because it's not cool!

   Confusion with the languages, I am starting to forget even english! Not cool again. But it my head turns some ideas that might come true very soon. Even if I always say sharing is caring, these ideas I'll keep to myself. Because you never know.

   In any case-buon appetito!

Controversial.

  Life. It is strange who you study Psychology and then have so many difficulties in your personal life. Like it seems you know how to solve the problem, how to act, what to say, how to say it. But the problem is, that at the end you are just a human as everybody else. And to solve other people problems seems much easier than yourselves. Making a break? Seems fair. At the end break ends after 24 hours because it seems too hard to be apart. But then again is it a good choice? I swear sometimes I just feel much more better just by myself, no stress, just me and my crazy thoughts. I don't know it's just so confusing. Take all the time you need to figure yourself out, but if you take it too long, the consequences might be not so pleasent.

   Anyhow, your actions are very controversial and make confusion. You don't realize it yourself I think. So like I don't know what to do. But allright, I have my life to live, 4 coming exams, birthday, christioning, festival upcoming to my life and I have to prepare for it. (especially that tiny exams part.fdoihsvbkjvf). 

   Trying to drink more water and eat more fruits makes me crazy, I need sugar. And fat. 

26/30.

    Rain bring me writing mood. Some alternative rock is playing in the background of my day. Today is a good day. Even though I could count all my muscules after this morning's work out. I think I did too much. Tomorrow I hope I won't cry.

    The life is pretty strange these days. I mean yes, exams are here, I have to study as hell, but it is so strange. In Lithuania, when exams arrive, everyone starts to party haha And yes, in Lithuania I have a lot of my friends which I can at least take a coffee, talk a little bit, just to make our heads clear after studying all day/all night. But here everyone seems like do nothing BUT studying. I mean, they are studying in their mother tongue language, and they are so stressed? Day after day I am starting to think what the hell am I doing here. Or maybe I am just that kind of person who can stay in one place for too long. Or I just can't choose a place to stay for my life. Well, goodluck to me to create a family! It's like I want to do so many things in the future, and I feel like I am living my dream, right now, right here. And all my plans sounds amazing, and actually they are coming true. Or maybe is just Torino with it's magic that helps. But sorry Torino, you are not a city where I would like to live. I feel like I am putting my life piece to piece and creating something beautiful. But then again, I feel like I am walking this way all by myself, which is kind of sad. But maybe this is my destiny, to be all by myself and live my dream alone? 

     I love to descover something new every day, yesterday I descovered Josh Record, I just fell inlove with his music, I have no words to describe how good his music is. I just....Love it.

I haven't done my inspiration blogs for a long time, because I don't feel motivated at all these days. But starting form yesterday I finally started to do things to change this situation. Go away lazyness! But I would like an evening which calls "A little party never killed nobody". Maybe soon. I hope.

And at the end of the day you live life and I live movies. There's no such thing as Love.

Where was I?

   Sunday blues got me here. Sekmadienis buvo tikras sekmadienis, su nostalgija, liūdesiu ir nuovargiu. Kai veiklos nėra - nieko daryti ir nesinori, kai laiko vis mažėja - poreikis naujoms veikloms didėja. Šiuo metu esu kažkur in between. Pradėjau galvoti ko noriu, kaip noriu ir ką su tuo galiu padaryti. Tikslai lyg ir aiškūs. Motyvacijos, žinoma, stinga (nothing new to say here), nors kartais atrodo užsimotyvuoji taip, kad net raumenis skauda. Bet šią savaitę nusprendžiau - to plano "nuo pirmadienio pradedu/metu/imuosi/t.t." realizavimu. Viskas ko reikia mano gyvenime šiuo metu - yra gera rutina. Nes jos kaip niekada stinga. Eiti miegoti 4tą valandą ryto, nes pokalbiai rimtomis temomis kažkodėl plėtojasi geriausiai būtent po vidurnakčio. "Vuoi dormire? -No. -Quindi parliamo". Ir taip labai dažnai. Jau atrodo visko čia pas mane su kaupu. 

    Yra trys dalykai, kuriuos man yra žiauriai sunku išspręsti. Ir nežinau ką daryti. Jaučiuosi truputį įspausta į kampą. Bet tikiu, kad visa tai išspręsiu anksčiau ar vėliau. Geriau aišku būtų anksčiau. 

    Vasara pakolkas atrodo labai smagi. Nepaisant dviejų mėnesių sesijos. Goodluck with that girl. Kartais tikrai LABAI nekenčiu italų kalbos. Kodėl aš čia norėjau atvažiuoti. Kodėl aš čia važiavau? Boooh. Tas kelias vėl atrodo labai jau išsišakojęs. Ir nežinau kiek aš noriu būti gelbėtoja, bet turbūt noriu, jei esu šioje padėtyje, kurioje esu. 

   Pamiegojus viskas vistiek atrodys kitaip.