Spring.

   It's finally here. 10-15 degrees outside -  I like it. Finally no heavy coats, no boots, no fur... Everything is getting lighter and warmer. That is everything I like in Life. But unfortunately not everything is easy. As I change my mind about a lot of things in my life, it get much easier to control it. But even now sometimes my mind gets messy. I start to think what I HAVE to do, and what I'm ACTUALLY doing. Which is pretty much nothing in these days. All the excersices and group works I have to do seems nothing if I compare it to the other things that are waiting for me. I need a one day break. To think, to plan, to organise. To clear my mind. 

   Despite all that I finally feel that I am going the right way and that everything will be alright, it has to be. Even if it is not like I imagine, not all the details are the same, but it is good at the end. And this perfect imperfection makes life beautiful. And so does spring. 

New Year.

   12.02.2014 I came here. I chose to be far away from home and people I love. Today I am celebrating my one year anniversary with The City. It wasn't easy I must say. And it was a long long way. But I learend a lot. I met new people. I 've lost some... But takaja laif as I like to say. Anyways, I don't regret anything. I am happy I make this decision and I am happy I am growing inside every single minute I am here. And it changed me loads, I don't know it's a good thing or bad, but right now I am happy of who I am. I am happy about people who are in my life and I am happy about those who are gone or came back. Life here showed me, the the goal of it doesn't have to be a non stop competition about "whose life is worse", it's not even about whose life is better. it's about BEING HAPPY. If you feel happy competing with others about how your life is shit (excuse the language) - great, if you choose to compete with others because you feel like VIP on this Earth - even better. But I choose to be happy. here and now, because time flies and I don't have a luxury to worry about how to make my life shittier in the eyes of others. I only have time to reach my goals, to Love, to travel, to help others (if it's in my power) to feel happier (at least a little bit, because so many people/places make me happier so much). If others don't like it - well, that's not my problem. I start MY New Year with a positive mind, clear soul and finished exam session (successfuly even), I decided to have only one New Year's resolution, which might sound very cheesy, but I think everyone should be concerned about it more. And it sounds like that -  DO MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. And take care of your health. This past year also tought me, that being with a shitty health is not cool. Then even being happy doesn't seem so important. 

But of course, drink more water, start do sports, eat less junk food, if that is what makes YOU happy. 

Now I am going to celebrate my New Year with a cup of coffee, since I quit for two months now, I think it's quite an occasion to break my rule.

Love, be loved and take care <3

Hard work is paying off.

   It's freeeeezing outside. Living with the headache for two days in a row only because my room is like fridge is no fun at all. But, on the other hand, I wanted winter, so here you go girl.... haha. Once again, in Turin you have to wish for things very carefuly. 

   The mountain of the books is so high I don't even see it's top, but I am trying to stay optimistic, I know I can do it. But in any case we will see how it goes. But I know that hard work pays off, even it is hard sometimes to believe in yourself.

   But in winter time the most important thing is to feel loved, and I do. I hope you too. And time passes faster than I would like to, but oh what the hell, I'm going home in 10 days! Packing gifts and listening to Christmas songs is MY THING now. Even if later on I feel guilt because I don't study in that time. But... It's Christmas. So I wish that everyone will find a force to forgive everyone and live in peace, it is much more easy like that. Trust me :)

Have a good preparation for Christmas!! Ho Ho Ho

Home is whenever I'm with You.

Ti amo.

Monday blues.

  There were a couple of hard days for me. Let's call it detox days. But in general, that made me think that I am not the person I used to be. Made me think of how much I did change, of how everything around me make influence for every choice I make. And that make me think of where do I want to grow up. Who I want to be. And at this point I feel that I have some kind of bipolar disturb... There are two things in life I love the most. Well more. but I am talking about work spaces. And these two things are so different that I just have no idea how to combine them. And then there are other problems which I MUST solve in the next year. And that makes me cray cray. But as Nike says - Nothing is impossible. So I will try to figure it out. 

And today I am wearing my sport suit, because a little bit later I am going to a Gym! (You have no idea how proud I am that finaly I started it again. Yay me!).

Days like this.

   Lately I've been loving to wake up early, go to the gym, have breakfast, drink coffee and start my day like this. This week was with much less stress, confusion and negative thoughts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SWJSL8uhr8

  In days like this I fall in love with the city again... But in this light all the corners look so magical. And if you ask me what is my favourite season is, I just couldn't tell. I think my favourite thing about the weather IS seasons. I just love how you can follow the change of the nature. How the leafes turn brown, when the first snow falls and makes Christmas magical, when all the flowers start their lifes from the beggining and how summer makes your face prettier, hair lighter... For this reason I think I live in the perfect place. Not too cold, not too hot. But I think I am coming to a conclusion. Or better - my past is telling me something about my future.

                                                 

The most important thing is to have a plan.

And people who love you.

And food.

When you are there.

   It scares me how fast the time flies (again, wow, what a story). It seems I came here like 3 months ago, and it's 7 already.... How that does make me feel? -Happy. I have grown so much, I have met a lot of people who are now my friends here, I had to go through so much, I think half of my head is covered in grey hair, because I ate stress for breakfast. After vacation in Lithuania everything is different, as it always is when you come back from home. I am still stressing around like crazy, with one million thoughts in my head and nightmares at night, thinking of what/how/why I do some stuff. And I am pretty sure I have all the answers. But past few days were all about "I don't think I am doing enough to succeed". Maybe because I was failing so much. I don't really know. Or maybe because I put other people in front of me before doing something. I don't know, those social norms that my parents gave me... They make me always think before doing something, make me think about how another person will feel about it. And then, automatically I start to wish for it from other people. Like a good feedback at least. But the truth is, that world is cruel. And nothing really happens as planned. Yes, I know, this is the beauty of life, but when you have some big plans and other people just make you fall to the sh*/& with your face every time you succeed, well, that makes me mad. For now, I just want to concentrate on my inner self and maybe love myself more. And I know that I am still at the same place like I was before, but I want to believe I will succeed somehow someday, even if I will have to climb to Everest all by myself. Or maybe I will receive some support ant that Everest will be just as high as the highest hill of Lithuania. And when I will be there, in that place, succeeded, happy and not alone, I will be able to say, that I live my life not without a point. Life is not pointless, life is hard and wonderful, life is beautiful and fun. I just need to learn to enjoy it as I did before.

***